Nauseated from the roller coaster ride my married life has been, I come to my knees in surrender and I wave my white flag. But this surrender is different than most. It is different in that I find my being is consumed with a sweet sensation of liberation. I can with no doubt say that I have given it all that I could. Perhaps more than I should. My marriage, in all honesty, felt like being cuffed to an unpredictable jack in the box with a face that you could never forget. I never knew when his sickness would rear it’s ugly head. This (I have to say it..) is not a story of redemption in the sense that, my dear heart, my marriage has indeed failed. It has failed in the sense that I did not hold tight to the vows I made that nerve splicing day on March 12th, 2012 in Bell Court House, Fort Hood, TX. However, what has most definitely been redeemed is my sense of self. My marriage has not failed me in that it has catapulted me into a reality where I am in control of my own story. Living on the edge emotionally with a sex addict was like being locked inside of a room full of psychotic patients who all wore the same face (My face). To not trust oneself because of deep traumatic injury and lack of psycho-therapeutic intervention, is by far the worse turmoil I have ever and hopefully will ever experience. In letting go of my marriage, I gained back the most important person in my life; myself. If I were to continue to live while lacking my sense of self, my life would be void and those that I love the most would suffer in turn.
Widow Of Intimacy 